What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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