i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
