Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
