you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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