She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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