I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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