You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
