You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
