When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
