That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
