My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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