She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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