so that wasnt chicken after all
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
