her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
