Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
