Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
