clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
