actually, I'm a sock model
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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