I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
