so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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