I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize