I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
