Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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