mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
