dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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