Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
