You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
