Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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