this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize