Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
did i walk over a car last night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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