I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
