Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize