My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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