This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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