So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
