Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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