Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
