Define "chronic" masturbator.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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