what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
cat food counts as protein by the way
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
