if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
