Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
