Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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