i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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