drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
