Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
