My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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