She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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