wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
