they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
