Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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