Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
