So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
