i wish starbucks made bloody marys
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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