Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
