i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
