haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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