i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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