Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
