im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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