So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
