Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize