he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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