I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
