So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
