Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
