yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
