god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
