She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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