Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
