I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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