Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
