plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
