so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
