So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dick very happy bro
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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