Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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