Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
